Tuck in for the most boring season of The Bachelor yet! To help you start planning your drinking game, here are some of my predictions of what to expect from possibly the most boring bachelor yet, Chris Soules. Gosh, I hope he’s at least a lil funny.
1. FFA endorsements. “Guys, be a farmer. It gets you all da girls and reality TV fame!”
2. Corn field picnic dates. “Ears to you!”
3. Tractor rides. That thing really is a panty dropper… just ask Andi. I sincerely think that most of the girls on the show will not even know what tractors are for. They are probs so basic. What a bunch of hoes.
4. Furrowed brows and sour-puss faces. “Girls tell me they like my George W. Bush impression.”
5. Selfies/Ugly sunglasses/a full recreation of this photo. This picture literally screams, “Please, ABC. Pimp me out. Look how cute I am and look how boring my life is! Gimme a few weeks of vacation under the guise of ‘love’ or whatever.”
6. INTENSE b-roll of him on the farm. “And here’s where I shuck the corn and practice my strip dancing moves.”
7. At least a pun/farm reference or comparison every episode. Or, more realistically, every minute of every episode.
8. Support from the Bachelor community. Apparently he is well liked. “Aw, shucks…”
I’m not the Bachelor, have fun on the farm people ✌️
— Arie Luyendyk Jr. (@ariejr) August 26, 2014
9. At least 95 percent of the contestants will either A) have a southern accent (fake or real), B) be from the south, or C) make some sweet southern references.
10. A marketing campaign for Chris Soules to find his Soules-mate. COPYRIGHT, ABC! DAT’S MINE.