About a month ago I got a letter–pretty exciting for me because I, a member of the 21st century, don’t get a lot of snail mail… minus store catalogues. But this lovely letter did not provide any joy at all. It was a summons. A jury duty summons. *
Hi, I’m a 20-year-old college student! Why would they want me? I only really classify myself as an adult when I want to do something like stay out all night or make crucial life decisions. But because I’m not currently attending classes, I’m fair game for the Government to collect my service to my country. Jury duty is modern day drafting. Except not.
So I got to wake up this morning at 6:30 (did you know there’s one of those in the morning too?) to get ready (clothes, food, go) for my 8:00 appearance in the middle of nowhere, Texas. Did you know it isn’t unbearably hot that early in the morning? If I wasn’t narcoleptic I’d have some pleasant weather.
When I finally got to the courthouse (not to be confused with the jail… which is easy because it’s the place that isn’t pumping out men in striped clothing carrying tools to a truck… what century is this?) I stood in a line… then I stood in another line.. then I sat. Then I read two magazines. Then I read some of HP5. Then I played spider solitaire on my computer…. THEN I DIED OF BOREDOM. After that death i re-died from suffocation due to the woman next to me’s perfume…
Somewhere in this long list of just pure entertainment, they dimmed the lights and showed us a video. I flashed back to high school when teachers showed movies because they are so obviously hungover. As I watched these people talk about what an honor it is to serve on a jury (seriously, do you have a life or are you just that diluted into thinking you’re important) I got more and more interested in how real life courts actually work. Are lawyers as attractive as Gabriel Macht? Are judges really always fat? Was this video made in the nineties or is everyone in it just mentally stuck there? Will I get these questions answered first hand…?
Finally, after three hours (a suspiciously long time to pick the jurors considering it is computerized and random) my name was uttered (very poorly btw, seriously how does one mispronounce Natalie Harms. It was literally the easiest name there. Come on, common name + conjugated verb!). Meaning that I am summoned back at 1:30 to serve as a jury member in district court three. I thought my donation of the jury payment would give me good enough karma to not be picked! A whopping six bucks that could have bought my lunch! Yet instead the victims of crime (whatever that is) must need it more.
my emotions: ghbjn32ew8uihjnkslghjkl32wqjslmndwriuehjneu9ijeee fnd mmmmmmmmmmk?
I am so tempted to don a Princess Lea outfit and hone Tina Fey’s Liz Lemon escape! But, I find I do not need to escape. Without fail, as soon as I get back from my long break (driving 15 miles home, 15 miles back) they dismiss the jury because the trial has been settled. Jesus Christ Superstar. All this unexciting, waiting bullshit and I don’t even get to the interesting part. That’s like waiting in line for ice cream at Jason’s Deli (because you’re already there and it’s free) only to find that the swirl is broken. Now I want some ice cream. What if I just walked into Jason’s and got an ice cream cone? Would anyone care? I mean I cancelled my gym membership 4 months ago and I still go and I’ve never been stopped or asked to scan in. I just have one of those faces I guess.
*Please don’t hold me in contempt of court. I watch the Olympics, I vote, I don’t speed (always)! God bless America. Land of the free gift with purchase.